


Blind Responsibility

by citrussunscreen



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-02
Updated: 2011-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-12 23:42:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7953694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrussunscreen/pseuds/citrussunscreen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sunggyu is proud to be able to proclaim that his family is pretty much perfect. Referring to the rowdy Infinite members that is. And well, they’re not perfect perfect…because every time Sunggyu stands next to Sungyeol, he is reminded that it would be perfect if he were taller. Taller than the typical neighbourhood elementary school student Sungyeol.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blind Responsibility

**Title:** Blind Responsibility  
**Type:** Oneshot  
**Characters:** Infinite  
**Pairing:** Myungsoo/Sungyeol, inching towards OT7  
**Rating:** PG-15  
**Warnings:** hasn’t been proof read, tiny bit of blood and violent gruesomeness at the end, character death  
**Length:** ~6,114  
**A/N:** This is a fic used as procrastination from another Infinite ficc which was used as procrastination from study. =v= Actually I hadn’t planned to end this oneshot like this…but it just did. ^^;; Sunggyu-centric♥

Sunggyu is proud to be able to proclaim that his family is pretty much perfect. Referring to the rowdy Infinite members that is. And well, they’re not perfect perfect…because every time Sunggyu stands next to Sungyeol, he is reminded that it would be perfect if he were taller. Taller than the typical neighbourhood elementary school student Sungyeol.

Sunggyu is Infinite’s self-proclaimed guardian, single-parent, authority, mentor and leader. He took pride in that status.

He should’ve known that there was something wrong when the danger flag was waving around brightly before his face. But he didn’t. Sunggyu merely raised an eyebrow when it did and let it slide pass him easily.

“So, someone confessed to you?” Woohyun asked not too quietly, sipping on his tea as he watched Sungyeol who nodded frivolously.

Sunggyu pretends he’s not listening and goes about his business, watching TV. He was able to watch the interaction between Woohyun and Sungyeol from where he was, the TV program was now at the back of his head. He smiled a little as Woohyun raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t understand why anyone would even like someone as immature as you”, Woohyun teased.

Sungyeol laughs. Sunggyu wants to laugh too. Everyone knew that Sungyeol could be mature, when absolutely necessary anyway.

“So who was it that confessed?” Woohyun immediately asks, sticking his face close to Sungyeol, scrutinising, “someone I know?”

Sungyeol is flustered and beats around the bush, his cheeks were red, making them seem softer than usual. Woohyun laughs hysterically, “Sungyeol, you must really like her to be so worked up.”

“Her? What girl?” Myungsoo suddenly pops into the seat beside Sungyeol, his arm automatically swinging  around Sungyeol’s shoulders. A small smirk was on his face.

Sunggyu raises an eyebrow as Woohyun blurts everything out to Myungsoo, even adding his own thoughts and exaggerations. Sunggyu watches as Sungyeol buries his face in his hands and watches as Myungsoo’s smirk turns into a smile. Sunggyu thinks that if Sungyeol didn’t want anyone to know, he really shouldn’t have told Woohyun. And then he remembers that Myungsoo is Sungyeol’s best friend. He probably knew about the confession even before it happened.

A couple of days later, Sunggyu finds him face to face with Infinite’s choding.

“Hyung!” Sungyeol calls, the bundle of joy bounces towards Infinite’s leader with a smile brighter than the sun. Sunggyu felt as though he needed to cover his eyes before the brightness blinded him.

“What is it?” Sunggyu questions, not really interested in what Sungyeol wanted. For all he knew, it was probably something along the lines of another prank. At that thought, Sunggyu looked around him, precautious as though something would just randomly jump out and attack him.

“I’m in love, hyung”, Sungyeol is still smiling.

“Mmhm~” Sunggyu nods absently and then he drops his newspaper, “wait, what?” he whips his head towards Sungyeol’s face and studies the other closely, “this is a joke right?”

“Hm?” Sungyeol looked a little confused at Sunggyu’s response.

“Oh right”, Sunggyu smiles at Sungyeol he wraps his arms tightly around the younger, “you want to say that you love your leader heaps, right?”

“What?” Sungyeol hugged back before politely pushing Sunggyu off of himself, “hyung, I’m talking about romantic love.”

Was Sungyeol even mature enough to know what romantic love really is? Sunggyu frowned, the thought disappeared quickly when his brain reminded him that Sungyeol is plenty mature underneath the choding-ness.

Sungyeol pouted.

Probably. Sunggyu blinked. Yeah, Sungyeol was probably plenty mature underneath the choding-ness, no he knew he was, but no wait, he really doubted Sungyeol’s maturity when it came to love. Sunggyu pondered over his own thoughts. Was Sungyeol claiming he was in love with the person that had confessed to him some days ago?

“Seriously?” Sunggyu asks, “this isn’t just some fling, some ideal type?”

Sungyeol shook his head, looking a little disappointed at Sunggyu, “hyung, I thought you would’ve wished me luck, congratulated me, something, not this…”

Sunggyu pulls Sungyeol in for another hug, “I just, I’m just worrying that’s all. I don’t want to give our baby away~”

“You won’t be giving me away…” Sungyeol smiles, relieved, “and I’m not a baby!”

Sunggyu chuckles as Sungyeol stomps off a little too childishly. He doesn’t really understand if Sungyeol knew what he meant by giving away. When you fall in love, a part of you naturally goes with the one you love. It’s a part where even the protective and almighty Infinite leader Sunggyu cannot grab and hold onto.

His heart sunk a little in fear, fear that his family might just break apart from its glass sphere with this one small crack.

A couple of days later, Sunggyu accidentally discovers them. Sungyeol and the person he loves. Sungyeol is pinned against the bathroom wall, muttering love confessions. And the person holding the choding in place? Sunggyu wonders why he’s not surprised when he realises that the other person was Myungsoo.

Maybe all the fan service was getting to him.

Sunggyu coughs, clearing his throat as he walks into the bathroom, making sure that the door behind him was now closed, and locked.

Myungsoo stops sucking on Sungyeol’s neck and looks at Sunggyu.

Sungyeol tries to hid his embarrassed blush with his fingers and wants to just hide behind the shower curtains.

“Sungyeol”, Sunggyu calls, “look at me.”

Pulling his hands away from his face, Sungyeol turns to look at his leader.

Sunggyu pretends he can’t see the hickeys on Sungyeol’s throat. He crosses his arms and looks at the visual line of Infinite, “do you both have nothing to say to me?”

Myungsoo grabs Sungyeol’s hand and speaks, “we’re dating.”

Sunggyu looks at Sungyeol, “is it Myungsoo? The one you love romantically.”

Sungyeol nods quite shyly, “Yes, he is.”

“Is this a joke?” Sunggyu is sceptical, “because if this is just a fling, I won’t allow it.” He had to keep the balance in Infinite. If something goes wrong, the crack will become bigger, and they’ll fall apart. Emotions were something they could only hide for so long. If one of them ends up scarred and hurt out of this relationship, Sunggyu wanted to stop it before it can even happen.

They both shake their head at Sunggyu’s question.

“Hyung, it’s not a joke”, Sungyeol affirms, “I really am in love with Myungsoo.”

“We were going to tell everyone, the members a little later…” Myungsoo states, “but I guess now that hyung knows, we might as well tell everyone else too.”

Sunggyu wonders if not separating them really will be a good idea. Wonders what kind of damage it might do to Infinite. Disbandment? He can’t even determine what the worst outcome will be.

“Hyung, I’ll look after Infinite’s choding”, Myungsoo gives the other a confident smile, “I promise, believe me.”

And Sunggyu believes him. It’s Myungsoo after all. Forever truthful and obedient.

That night, the couple announces their happiness to the members. Sunggyu watches as Dongwoo looks contemplative. Sunggyu watches as Woohyun snickers, nudging Dongwoo and pointing at Sungyeol’s hickeys, whispering something about how he thought that Sungyeol had gotten those hickeys from a girl. Sunggyu watches as Howon smiles, hugging them both. Sunggyu watches and notices that the maknae is watching everyone, just like how he was watching everyone. He smiles unconsciously when Sungjong suddenly laughs happily, joining Howon for a group hug.

And everything seems perfectly fine in Sunggyu’s eyes.

About half a year later, Sunggyu notices that something it not in place when he realises that Sungyeol was already sleeping and not staying up to wait for Myungsoo to come home.

Myungsoo comes home, barely spares Sunggyu a glance before he heads to his room. Sunggyu can hear soft murmurs coming from the room. Most likely Myungsoo and Sungyeol were talking. The leader is a little confused, but too tired to pay it too much attention, he thinks he’ll deal with it tomorrow and goes off to bed too.

When Sunggyu sees Sungjong latching off of Sungyeol, he doesn’t think too much about it, he chuckles light heartedly as Myungsoo tries to pry Sungjong off an uncaring Sungyeol.

A week later, Sungjong is still latching onto Sungyeol. And Sunggyu starts worrying a little. Were they not paying enough attention to their maknae? Sunggyu pulls Sungjong aside one day and asks the other if there was anything wrong.

Sungjong smiles and places a hand on Sunggyu’s shoulder, “hyung”, he says and Sunggyu thinks that Sungjong’s eyes look dangerously serious….and a bit scary.

“What is it? You can tell me”, Sunggyu is a bit unsure of himself. As though what Sungjong will tell him would be something he was not prepared to hear. But no. He’s Sunggyu. He’s Infinite’s pillar. He has the responsibility to be prepared. And so he continues to look at Sungjong, awaiting for the other to speak.

“I love my family”, Sungjong speaks honestly, “I love every single one of us. That’s all there is to it.”

Sunggyu understands, because he loves Infinite too. But he doesn’t understand why Sungjong told him that. There had to be something deeper in Sungjong’s words, but he just couldn’t figure it out. And before he could even ask further, Sungjong smiled, and then skipped off.

The next morning, when Sunggyu wakes up to go wake up the members, he freezes when he opens the door to Dongwoo, Sungyeol and Myungsoo’s room. It really wasn’t something he was supposed to find strange, but he did anyway. To find Sungjong sleeping besides Sungyeol. To find Sungjong holding Sungyeol’s hand tightly. As though Sungyeol was in dire need of comforting. Sunggyu is puzzled. Is that what Sungjong meant by him loving his hyungs? At that thought, Sunggyu is even more confused. Something just didn’t feel right. But he wakes them up anyway.

Myungsoo comes home from an overnight schedule. Sungyeol smiles and greets him home with a hug.

Sunggyu watches Sungjong stare from the side. And Sunggyu can only replay Sungjong’s “I love every single one of us”, in his head over and over.

Another week later, Sunggyu finds Sungyeol looking drained, lying beside Howon in the training room. Sweaty and tired. Sunggyu looks away from the two to find that Sungjong was looking at him. The maknae gives Sunggyu a wry smile and walks out of the training room. Sunggyu wonders why the tempo of Infinite seems to have shifted without him knowing. Sunggyu watches as Howon gently fixes Sungyeol’s hair.

“Sungyeol-ah”, Howon speaks softly as though speaking too loudly will break the atmosphere, “we’re all here to listen. It’s ok to lean on us too. You know that right?”

Sunggyu wonders if the two even knew he was in the room. He watches as Sungyeol smile a little and wonders what it was about that smile that bothered him so much. Wonders if there was something they knew that he didn’t.

It was his responsibility to find out. So Sunggyu confronts Sungyeol after dinner as they’re washing dishes.

“Is there something you want to tell me?” Sunggyu asks, looking at Sungyeol who’s drying the dishes.

Sungyeol pauses and looks up at Sunggyu weirdly, “hyung, are you feeling ok?”

Sunggyu wonders why Sungyeol was asking him if there was anything wrong.

“Eh? Of course, I’m all good, is there anything bothering you?” Sunggyu asks, a little taken aback.

Sungyeol smiles. Sunggyu smiles.

“If hyung is fine, then I’m good too”, Sungyeol nods, going back to wash dishes, “I’ve just been feeling a little lethargic recently, that’s all. Don’t worry too much.”

Those words only seem to make Sunggyu worry more.

A couple of days later, he catches Myungsoo and Sungyeol practicing fan service, Sungyeol looks even more tired than before, but, the smile on his face was anything but tired looking. Sunggyu feels relieved and turns away only to find that Sungjong and Howon were standing against the wall, silently watching the two. Sunggyu is puzzled and raises an eyebrow.

Sungjong puts a finger to his lips, signalling for the other to be quiet.

Howon gives Sunggyu a smile and mouths, “we’re waiting to use the practice room.”

Sunggyu wonders how much truth lies in the sentence Howon mouthed to him. But he chooses to not question it any further. The giggles coming from the visual line made him shake his head and walk away.

It didn’t take many more days for Sunggyu to notice that now both Sungjong and Howon stuck to Sungyeol like glue. Adding Myungsoo would be three people. But with the lack of Myungsoo in the dorms, sometimes, it felt as though he was seeing more of Sungjong, Howon and Sungyeol than Myungsoo and Sungyeol. Sunggyu sighs and hopes that Myungsoo isn’t tiring out too fast with all the schedules he has to meet.

Sunggyu no longer rose an eyebrow when he found Sungjong and Hoya sleeping beside Sungyeol on nights where Myungsoo wasn’t at the dorms. Though when he found Dongwoo pulled in along with the trio, he raised an eyebrow. It was something new. But it wasn’t something he found repulsive.

It was roughly another week after when Sunggyu found Sungyeol crying on Dongwoo’s shoulders. His sobbing was silent, but it was obvious he was crying with the soft sniffles and the way Sungyeol lifted his shoulders. Sunggyu stops his train of thought as he wonders since when he had noticed such details about his members. He shrugs, and wonders why Sungyeol is crying. Sunggyu takes a guess, the younger was probably missing home again.

He watches as Dongwoo pats Sungyeol’s head with a small smile. He mutters something

Sunggyu wonders if the smile was out of pity. He leans against the wall and listens as Sungyeol’s cries die down. His eyes are focused on Howon and Sungjong who are once again, rather creepily sitting silently with unreadable expressions on their face, just watching.

Woohyun comes home from his schedule, and Sunggyu watches him silently, he doesn’t say a word nor does he offer the other a smile. He watches as Woohyun looks a little panicked when he notices that Howon and Sungjong were both just sitting and not doing anything but were now whispering softly to each other, he watches Woohyun rush into the room where Sungyeol’s soft, soft cries echoed sadly in the dorm. Sunggyu does not need to look to know when he hears Sungyeol’s sudden intake of breath and chokes that Woohyun had his arms around the younger, comforting.

The leader of Infinite doesn’t know what to think. He was bewildered. He didn’t know what was going on. He wondered if the others knew what was going on. If there was anything going on.

That night, they all bundle and sleep together in the one room. Sunggyu stays and waits for Myungsoo to come home. And when he does, Sunggyu wonders whether he should laugh or not when he sees Myungsoo’s expression when the younger opens the door to his room only to find that the members were all sleeping there together. He gives the leader a curious and ‘what’s happening?’ look.

Sunggyu smiles politely as he intrudes into the bedroom as well, there wasn’t much space left, but it seems like everyone wanted to sleep together. He wants to laugh out loud when Myungsoo rolls his eyes. The younger comes back five minutes later, all cleaned up and plops himself onto whatever little space is left and they sleep. Truthfully, Sunggyu has no idea what is happening either. He just knows that the members are in a state of unrest. And it tugs at his heart painfully.

The next morning, Sunggyu noted that Sungyeol’s eyes were puffy. He softly presses his fingers against the other’s reddened skin. Sungyeol flinches a little.  Sunggyu frowns.

“Hyung, your fingers are cold”, Sungyeol explains.

“Sorry”, Sunggyu replies, his eyes fixated on Sungyeol’s puffy eyes. Before he can reach out to run his fingers over Sungyeol’s puffy eyes again, Myungsoo suddenly pops up from nowhere, fussing over Sungyeol’s swollen eyes.

Sunggyu leans back onto the kitchen chair, and he notices that all the other members are silently watching. The atmosphere feels funny. He wonders if it was because they all slept in the same room last night, he for one knew that he didn’t sleep too great. Sunggyu watches as the members suddenly stand up from their respective chairs, he notes that Sungyeol took quite a shock, blinking blankly at them.  Sunggyu watches as the members push and pull Myungsoo back into the room, telling him that he should catch up on more sleep, that they are perfectly capable of looking after Sungyeol for him.

The thoughts in Sunggyu’s mind take a pause. He thinks, but he doesn’t know why he felt a little disturbed at the member’s words. Sungyeol’s laugh brings him back to reality. Pulls him away from thinking too much. Sunggyu’s fingers automatically go up to un-crease the wrinkles that were folding from thinking too much. He’s laughing, but he’s not smiling, and Sunggyu wonders why Sungyeol is like that.

He gets up from his chair and decides that he should check up on Myungsoo. He opens the door to find Myungsoo just about getting reading to go back to sleep again.

“Sleep well, the schedules really must’ve been a strain to you, right?” Sunggyu smiles.

Myungsoo smiles back and nods before he pulls the covers over himself.

A couple of days later, whilst Sunggyu was busy reading the newspaper, he notices Woohyun unhappily walk up to Sungyeol. He looks over his newspaper to see what was going on, hoping that they weren’t going to fight, because that would be nasty to break up.

“Yeol”, Woohyun takes the away Myungsoo’s camera from Sungyeol who was fiddling with it earlier.

Sungyeol doesn’t look up at Woohyun, doesn’t complain or even say anything when the camera was taken from him.

“Yeol”, Woohyun calls again before ordering, “stop it.”

Sungyeol looks up. And even though there were no tears streaking down his chubby cheeks, Sunggyu could see them. He could see Sungyeol’s tears, he could tell that Sungyeol was crying. He could see the other’s pain. And he knew that Woohyun could see it too.

Sunggyu watches Woohyun put the camera aside and then envelope Sungyeol into a hug, he watches Woohyun act like a proper hyung and gently pat Sungyeol’s back. Sunggyu watches as Sungyeol does nothing but let himself be hugged. Sunggyu whipped his head around, half expecting to see Sungjong and Howon (and even possibly Dongwoo) standing around, watching. But they weren’t there. And Sunggyu remembers that they weren’t at home.

He watches as Woohyun leads Sungyeol to the kitchen table, where Sunggyu was. He watches Sungyeol’s blank expression with concern as he listens to Woohyun make coffee for Sungyeol.

Sunggyu doesn’t even know why but he wants to cry. There was something he didn’t know. There was something that was cracking the sphere around his family. Breaking into his world, leaving a hole without him even knowing why.

Walking over to Sungyeol, Sunggyu ruffles the other’s hair a little before he goes to pick up Myungsoo’s camera. He wanted to know what it was that Sungyeol was looking at.

Sunggyu wonders whether he really should’ve checked or not. The photos in the camera. They were foreign, something he could not comprehend. They were something that was Myungsoo, but something that was not Sungyeol. Sunggyu does not recognise the other person in the picture. Someone not family. Someone that wasn’t Sungyeol beside Myungsoo. It was alien, foreign, it wasn’t right.

It made his head hurt.

They say a picture speaks a thousand words? A million words? Sunggyu can’t quite remember word for word what the saying was. Then two pictures would speak double of what one picture would speak right? And three pictures would speak three times as much…Sunggyu wondered if he could cry for Sungyeol instead. He wondered how many words 16GB of unknown and far too foreign to recognise photos spoke. He wondered if Sungyeol heard each and every single word.

The leader of Infinite takes a glance at Sungyeol. He wonders if that was what Myungsoo meant by looking after Sungyeol. Sunggyu takes in a deep breath. He only knew now, that everyone in Infinite knew, everyone but he knew. Sunggyu wondered if Myungsoo knew that the others knew, wondered if Myungsoo knew that the members were trying to anchor Sungyeol down, keep him alive, sane and happy when Myungsoo wasn’t around. Sunggyu wonders from when Sungyeol knew, wonders from when Sungjong knew, wonders if Sungjong even knew before Sungyeol knew, he wonders how Sungyeol found out, wonders if the pain he that had hit the choding is still stabbing at the other right now.

And Sunggyu laughs at himself for wondering why Sungyeol was not smiling anymore. And then Sunggyu curses himself for not stopping them when he could have. He should’ve stopped them. It was his responsibility. Sunggyu does not question himself any further.

Woohyun doesn’t let go of the choding’s hand for the whole day.

Sunggyu watches as Sungjong comes home, immediately going to grab Sungyeol’s other hand, he watches as Sungjong places a kiss on top of Sungyeol’s not quite neat hair whispering, “you’re beautiful”, to the other. Sunggyu wonders, between himself and the maknae, who really is the hyung sometimes. The thought scares him.

That night, Sungyeol is sitting, waiting for Myungsoo to come home. Sunggyu cautiously takes a seat beside Sungyeol on the couch. Sunggyu feels just a little anxious when he covers Sungyeol’s hand with his own, wonders why he couldn’t do it naturally like how the other members would just hold Sungyeol’s hand.

Sungyeol does not move away from him and doesn’t hold Sunggyu’s hand back.

Sunggyu looks at Sungyeol, and all he wants right then was to see Sungyeol smile. It was a part of his responsibility to see his family smile.

When Myungsoo comes home, Sunggyu could feel Sungyeol’s hand disappear from his grasp. All he wanted to do at that point was to grab onto Sungyeol, he needed to anchor Sungyeol within an area where he could still easily access and take care of. He watches as the two greet each other, if he hadn’t known that Sungyeol was breaking, he would’ve thought that there was nothing wrong with their relationship. It looked normal, sweet, cute, it looked perfect.

Sunggyu silently praised their acting.

He wasn’t 100% sure that it was acting though as he watched Sungyeol smile, giggle a little, arms wrapping back around Myungsoo. Sunggyu wondered why he just had to think that Myungsoo’s arms were where Sungyeol belonged. And his heart ached at that thought. Because Sungyeol was so far gone, in a place where Sunggyu could not reach.

And it hits Sunggyu. This must be the feeling of when you send a family member away. He had given Infinite’s Sungyeol away. Given him to what he had thought was family, but really…wasn’t quite what he had expected. He had given Sungyeol away to a place difficult to reach, stand and protect. Sunggyu wonders why he had made such a choice.

He watches as Myungsoo brushes their lips together briefly before quickly pushing Sungyeol to bed, claiming that little kids needed more rest. Sunggyu’s lips automatically smile at that. And then he remembers. And he frowns.

“You’re back later than usual”, Sunggyu says casually, wrapping an arm around Myungsoo’s shoulders as the other headed towards the bathroom.

“Yeah, schedule finished late”, Myungsoo smiled, “hyung, you should go sleep too.

Sunggyu smiles back. He can smell perfume on Myungsoo. His mind instinctively recognises that the scent did not belong to Myungsoo or Sungyeol. His head conjures up the image of the woman in the camera, the pictures Sungyeol was silently crying over and Sunggyu wants to punch a hole in the wall. Sunggyu tries to imagine what Sungyeol must’ve felt when he hugged Myungsoo, smelling a foreign scent on the other. He can’t imagine it. He wonders from when Myungsoo started lying to him. Started being anything but forever honest and obedient. He wonders if the manager who took Myungsoo home knew about what was going on.

Sunggyu wants to grab Myungsoo by the shoulder and shake some sense into the other. Remind him that he had promised to take care of Yeolie. His mind flashes back to the Sungyeol who looked constantly cheerful around Myungsoo. He looked like he was well taken care of when Myungsoo was around. Sunggyu walks out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, he needed to calm down. He couldn’t understand. But Myungsoo no longer felt like family. He felt different, he had changed. He had changed without Sunggyu even taking great notice of. And Sunggyu feels as though he had failed both Myungsoo and Sungyeol.

He softly walks into Sungyeol’s shared room and squats beside the tallest member of Infinite. He reaches to hold Sungyeol’s hand. And he wonders why he had forgotten that Sungyeol was a really light sleeper.

“Myungsoo?” Sungyeol rolls a little, his other hand takes off his eye mask, “oh, hyung.”

“Sorry”, Sunggyu whispers before he lets go of Sungyeol’s hand and walks back out of the room. He notices Sungyeol’s confused gaze, but does not say anything more. He thinks, Sungyeol probably doesn’t even know what he’s apologising for.

Sunggyu does not sleep that night. He sits at the kitchen bench, sipping a cup of Sungyeol’s most favourite coffee.

He’s still sitting in the same position when the sun rises. Their manager wakes up and asks if he’s ok. Sunggyu nods before he gets up from the seat he’s been sitting in for the whole night, “I’ll go wake the kids up.”

Sunggyu felt as though it was going to be another normal day. The members were grumpy, getting up groggily, some were as usual, harder to wake than others.

And then, as he was heading towards the kitchen to help make breakfast, someone grabs his arm.

“Hyung”, Sungjong calls, rubbing his eyes and still grabbing onto Sunggyu.

“Hm? What is it?” Sunggyu asks, his heart already pumping a little faster than usual. There was something about Sungjong’s behaviour that irked him recently.

“Hyung, you, are you feeling ok?” Sungjong asks, he blinks a couple of times and studies Sunggyu’s expression.

Sunggyu nods, “of course”, there was nothing wrong with him, he didn’t wear his heart on his sleeve.

“Hah…”, Sungjong bites his lips a little, “well, if there’s ever anything you want to talk about, we’re all here for you.”

Sunggyu is just a little surprised when Sungjong pulls him in for a hug. The only thing he can do is pat the other’s head and then grumble teasingly, “Sungjong, you need to go clean yourself.”

Scoffing, Sungjong lightly head butted Sunggyu’s chin before he walked off.

It’s late by the time they finish practice that day. As per usual. Sunggyu does not say anything when Howon and Dongwoo make up some lame excuse to keep Sungyeol in the training room for longer than necessary, something about how taller people dance a little differently to people who just don’t have that height.

Sunggyu was watching Sungyeol, and everyone else in the mirror. They were all perfect. His family is perfect.

The others are resting, Sungjong and Woohyun were busy gushing over some variety show on TV and Myungsoo was lying on the couch, texting.

Sunggyu stretches a little before he heads to the bathroom. When he was done, he had expected Sungyeol to still be forced to spend time with Dongwoo and Howon, only to find that Dongwoo was in the other shower and that Howon had joined Sungjong and Woohyun, staring holes into their TV. Sunggyu couldn’t help but smile lightly when he noticed that Myungsoo had his head on Sungyeol’s lap, the two of them whispering softly and playing with each other’s fingers.

And then the pictures in Myungsoo’s camera stabs at Sunggyu’s smile. Woohyun sends him a curious gaze as he heads into the bathroom. Sunggyu was thankful that Woohyun didn’t say anything, he wouldn’t know how to reply after all.

The next day, Sunggyu overhears Sungyeol talking to Dongwoo. He catches the confession – “I think my love for him is lacking” from Sungyeol’s mouth.

“I don’t know why, but I’m not loving him enough, am I?” Sungyeol’s voice is raspy, “hyung, I, I don’t even know how to love him more, hyung, why am I like this?”

Sunggyu looks at his own feet as he continues listening.

“Hyung, this pain is from being in love, isn’t it?”

Sunggyu can hear Dongwoo trying to soothe the other over choked sobs.

“I don’t know how to love him even more than I do now. Hyung, what should I do?”

Sunggyu looks up and is not surprised to find Sungjong staring at  the crack in the door. He tilts his head a bit and notices that the dorm is silent, that everyone was listening.

“I know it’s selfish, but I want his heart to be with me.”

Infinite’s leader doesn’t want to acknowledge that his family is falling apart, staring with Sungyeol. He scolded himself that if it really does happen, he hopes that Sungyeol will be the only one who falls apart. He wouldn’t know how to pick everyone else up. Even having Sungyeol falling apart right now filled his hands with more than he can carry. But he knows he should be able to carry more. Because, Sungyeol is family, and family is his responsibility.

Sunggyu walks away. He’s heard enough. He opens the door to Sungyeol’s shared room, intending to check if Myungsoo noticed why the dorm was pretty much deadly silent. He finds Myungsoo with tears streaming down his cheeks.

“Myungsoo-“, Sunggyu beings, taken aback by the other’s tears.

“It’s ok, hyung, I’m fine”, Myungsoo doesn’t even look at Sunggyu.

Sunggyu scowls. A lying Myungsoo wasn’t familiar.

“You can talk about it with me, you know? Why you’re crying…” Sunggyu feels a little awkward, he didn’t really know how to bring up Sungyeol, or to comfort someone in such a situation.

“It’s nothing”, Myungsoo wipes away his own tears, he stands up, and that’s when Sunggyu notices that he’s holding onto his precious camera. And that camera spoke thousands of words to him. He just didn’t know which words to listen to. He watches as Myungsoo walks out of the room, calling for Sungyeol.

An hour later, Myungsoo’s head is resting on Sungyeol’s shoulder. They’re quiet. But at least, none of them are crying anymore. Their fingers are intertwined and their breathing is, strangely enough, in synch. And everything seems normal again.

For about five minutes after Myungsoo has left for schedules, Sungyeol seems fine, complacent, but slowly, as Sunggyu keeps an eye on Sungyeol, he notices that Sungyeol’s expression drops from time to time. The cracks are more visible than before, Sunggyu feels as though the crack in the glass sphere surrounding his family was a crack he could not repair.

And Sunggyu doesn’t’ know for sure what was wrong. Nothing is too clear. He feels as though he’s got his finger on the answer, but it doesn’t make any sense. It’s irrational. And he doesn’t know what to do.

That night, Sunggyu finds himself unable to sleep. There were too many thoughts swarming around in his head. He slips out of his covers and goes to make a cup of coffee. He sits at the kitchen table and listens to the clock tick. The cup of coffee sits before him, he takes a sip from now to now. But his mind feels blank.

It was his responsibility. Sunggyu believed deeply in that thought. To keep the inner calm of Infinite, to rid of the turmoil, the unreasonable tears, the blood and everything that comes crawling to infect his precious, precious and most treasured family. Sunggyu was determined.

The sun starts to rise slowly and Sunggyu finds himself creeping into the room Dongwoo, Sungyeol and Myungsoo shared, a knife in hand. The coffee he hadn’t finished sits on the kitchen table. It was cold already. He closes the door behind him, making sure it was as quiet as can be, he didn’t want to wake anyone in the room, well, just the manager and Sungyeol.

Infinite’s charismatic leader looks at Sungyeol and he can hear the other’s sobs even though Sungyeol wasn’t actually crying, but he could see them, the tears that weren’t stopping.

He presses the knife lightly against Myungsoo’s throat. Sunggyu looks at the other’s features one last time, one of his hands go to caress the other’s cheek, wondering why things were ending up like this. Wonders why he couldn’t even force himself to believe in Myungsoo, believe that he can keep his promise. Believe that the Sungyeol he had given away could…would be taken care of lovingly.

Not once does the thought that Sungyeol doesn’t need to be taken care of cross his mind.

Sunggyu pushes with force and the knife sinks in. Blood spurts out and covers his ice cold hands.

He hears a choke as he takes the blade away. Sunggyu does not blink, nor does he say anything more. He had so much he wanted to say. But he didn’t say anything. He knew that the dead could not hear.

The picture before him sent him a jumble of words and emotions. Sunggyu didn’t know how to sort through them.

Sunggyu wonders if his love for his family is the same as Sungjong’s love for his hyungs. He only wonders then, when he’s slicing the Myungsoo who’s no longer Myungsoo whether the love between Myungsoo and Sungyeol was all just a dream. He wondered how real it was, wondered how everything just derailed and headed towards chaos.

He half expects Sungjong to be standing behind him, watching him as he takes away Myungsoo’s life. But Sunggyu knows that that is not possible. He looks behind him just to make sure. There was no one. A small smile flitters onto Sunggyu’s face.

Sunggyu runs a finger over the deep slit that ran across Myungsoo’s throat. He wonders if Myungsoo is still sleeping, wonders if the other was feeling pain, wonders if that pain matched that of Sungyeol’s pain even though he knows that Myungsoo is now dead.

The eldest in Infinite then runs those blood covered fingers over Myungsoo’s eyes. He digs in sharply and pulls out the other’s eyes. The second youngest in his family had no need for them, not when he had his eyes open and still could not see that Sungyeol was pleading.

Oh. Perhaps he could see, he did see, but he just didn’t have the heart.

And Sunggyu still finds it hard to believe that Myungsoo would lie to him. Even for the tiniest things. He really hadn’t thought that Myungsoo would be one to break promises. He picks up his blade again and gently runs it across where Myungsoo’s heart is. It was the heart that Sungyeol wanted, wasn’t it? The heart that would make Sungyeol smile again.

The heart takes a while to take out, Sunggyu doesn’t falter though. It had stopped pumping. But it was still the heart that Sungyeol desired.

A small laugh escaped from Sunggyu’s lips. He had reached his answer. It was his responsibility.

“Myungsoo?” A small voice filled with hope filled Sunggyu’s ears.

Sunggyu’s eyes widen a little, he had temporarily forgotten again that Sungyeol, the light sleeper was in the room. Not that it mattered. After all, the gift he had just excavated was for the choding. He watches as Sungyeol sits up and takes off his eye mask. The look of surprise was already wiped off of Sunggyu’s face at that point.

“Oh, it’s hyung again”, Sungyeol smiles a little.

The little light coming in from the sunrise lets Sunggyu see that Sungyeol had been crying, again.

It took one heartbeat for Sungyeol to then move his eyes away from Sunggyu and towards Myungsoo. It took two heartbeats for Sungyeol to widen his eyes, take in an irregular breath, half a heartbeat for him to immediately crawl towards Myungsoo, and another for Sungyeol to wrap his arms around Myungsoo, calling the other’s name.

Myungsoo’s heart falls out of Sunggyu’s hands. And Sungyeol doesn’t even notice.

But Sunggyu can’t remember. Sunggyu can’t remember if he heard Sungyeol’s breath hitch or not. He can’t remember if he heard Sungyeol’s high pitched scream or not. All he could see was that, contrary to his belief, Sungyeol was not smiling.

And Myungsoo’s blood soaks into his skin.

 


End file.
